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Life & Apel Weekly: Te -a încântat
Bounce Back fast From a Mistake
By Anne L. Fritz for life & appeal Weekly
Hope Schmid will never forget the mistake that caused her 6-year-old daughter to come home from school crying. “I was meant to bring in cookies for her homeroom party,” remembers Schmid, 32, of Fairfax Station, Va. “But I had a project due at work and my mommy was going in for medical tests. It completely slipped my mind. I felt like a horrible mother.”
Most people can relate to a mistake like Schmid’s — and the feelings that come with it. forgetting to do something crucial or saying the wrong thing does a number on your self-esteem. “When we mess up, doubts we have about ourselves and our underlying insecurities go into overdrive,” says Leslie Sokol, who holds a doctorate in scientific psychology and is the co-author of think Confident, Be Confident. You might dwell on the mistake, feel bad about yourself and spend the rest of the day beating yourself up — or taking it out on others.
But everyone makes mistakes. “A rare occurrence or utterance isn’t proof that you’re a cruel or bad person,” says Sokol. It’s what you do afterward that makes a difference. Reacting in a positive way, ideal away, can help put you back in control and allow you to step on and regain your self-esteem.
Check out Sokol’s methods for how to cope with the following familiar scenarios. put the recommendations into practice and you’ll come out feeling better about the mistake and yourself.
Scenario No. 1: You miss an crucial meeting because you’re late.
Bounce-back Strategy: Take action.
Apologize to the people you were meant to meet, then find a way to rectify the situation ASAP, suggests Sokol. If the meeting went on without you, ask a co-worker to tell you what was discussed. once updated, you can prepare for the next meeting and take action on any next steps.
If the meeting was canceled because of your absence, take the lead in rescheduling it as swiftly as possible. Be flexible with your calendar to accommodate everyone else’s. putting yourself in charge of righting the situation helps you feel capable again. getting up to speed or securing another meeting time ideal away also prevents you from dwelling on your goof.
Scenario No. 2: You say something dumb to your boss or in a meeting.
Bounce-back Strategy: keep perspective.
acknowledge the mistake immediately by saying something like, “I put my foot in my mouth; let’s take a step backward.” Then, try not to obsess or beat yourself up over it, because that just turns your comment into a much bigger deal than it actually is.
“Remember that one sentence isn’t a reflection of who you are,” says Sokol. “How lots of comments have you made in your life? At one point or another, everyone says something stupid.”
If you have trouble letting it go — or your co-workers don’t let you — keep reminding yourself that it’s normal to make mistakes and try to laugh about it. “The crucial is to accept that you have shortcomings without letting them indicate something global about you,” says Sokol.
Be proactive and plan to be extra-sharp in the next meeting. and believe it or not, there may even be a silver lining: “When we blunder, we show our human side. It can allow others to relate to us and appreciate us as the non-perfect people we all are,” says Sokol.
Scenario No. 3: You forget to send cupcakes for your child’s school party.
Bounce-back Strategy: own up to it, without excessive explanations or blaming others.
admit your mistake — if you forgot, you forgot — and say you are sorry to your child and her teacher. You can offer a brief explanation if there are extenuating scenarios that you can share openly and honestly. “But make sure your main message is that you messed up and are sorry regardless of the reason,” says Sokol.
Also avoid over-apologizing or using multiple explanations. (“I didn’t write it down, and the pet dog got sick and my boss …”) Both are symptoms of doubt, says Sokol. and feeding into any doubts about your abilities as a mother does a lot more to undermine your self-esteem than to comFort copilul tău sau profesorul ei.
În schimb, trimiteți cupcakes pentru a compensa cele pe care le -ați uitat. Și continuați să vă spuneți că această greșeală (sau chiar încă 50) nu neagă toate celelalte calități care vă fac o mamă grozavă.
Scenariul nr. 4: Ai o tunsoare care s -a dovedit foarte, foarte proastă.
Strategia de respingere a respingerii: concentrați-vă pe întreaga imagine.
Probabil că sunteți jenat, așa că trebuie să faceți o discuție de sine pentru a trece peste această situație de moment. Spune -ți că sentimentul frumos și atractiv provine dintr -o combinație de multe lucruri – personalitate, intelect, umor, talent și alte atribute speciale nelimitate – nu doar cum arată părul tău, spune Sokol.
În plus, chiar și la exterior, oamenii văd mult mai mulți dintre voi decât o tunsoare proastă. „Ei observă cum te -ai alăturat în ansamblu, inclusiv ochii tăi prietenoși și zâmbetul cald”, spune Sokol. „Nu influențați prea mult valoarea unui defect perceput.”
Scenariul nr. 5: În timpul unui argument, spuneți lucruri dureroase pe care nu le înseamnă.
Strategia de respingere a respingerii: fii sincer și asumă-ți responsabilitatea.
De îndată ce poți, scuze și cere iertare. Descrieți că știți că vă răniți cealaltă persoană și că comentariul a fost furia dvs. vorbind, nu ceea ce credeți cu adevărat.
De exemplu, după o luptă cu un soț, pentru a arăta că sunteți sincer, dați -i exemple pentru a vă contracara comentariul, sugerează Sokol. Dacă ai spus că soțul tău a fost prost, spune -i: „Știi că nu cred că ești prost. La cine merg mereu pentru întrebări despre [introduceți subiectul aici]? ” Sau, „Ori de câte ori nu pot ajuta copiii cu temele lor, aveți întotdeauna răspunsurile.”
De asemenea, important: recunoașteți că ați greșit. „Spune ceva de genul:„ Am fost supărat, dar știu, de asemenea, că a spune lucruri dureroase nu este modul ideal de a mă gestiona ”, adaugă ea.
Este normal să te simți dezamăgit de tine, dar, odată ce îți ceri scuze și să iei măsuri de remediere, trebuie să o dai drumul, spune Sokol. Tot ce poți face după asta este să eviți din nou să faci aceeași greșeală.
Link către această postare: revenind repede dintr-o greșeală
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